Induced Lactation and Co-Lactation for Queer Parents

A note about language. It is an important part of an inclusive lactation practice to use language that is affirming and inclusive for all parents, regardless of gender identity. In my speaking and writing, I use 'parent' rather than 'mother'. I also use the terms 'breast' and 'breastfeeding' because according to medical terminology, the breast is both a female and a male body part.¹  However, in working with parents, I believe it is essential to reflect back the language used by the parent rather use than my own terms.

I've had the privilege of supporting many queer families on their journey to parenthood, whether through birth, adoption, or surrogacy. When a non-birthing partner induces lactation, both parents may  choose to share the breastfeeding/lactating role, called co-lactating, co-breastfeeding, co-nursing, or co-feeding.  It's truly a beautiful experience to see parents come together to share in the joy and responsibility of feeding their little ones.

Successful co-lactation lies in balancing milk production between two parents while meeting the variety of needs of each parent and the baby. Some things for you and your partner to think about and share with me, or whoever you choose as your IBCLC:

• When will co-lactating begin? It may begin as soon as baby arrives, on day 3-4 when the birthing parent's milk comes in, or even later. 
• How many of the feedings each day will be from each parent? What feels equitable? Some parents prefer to share feeding 50/50 and others may find the birthing parent is the primary breastfeeding parent while the non-birthing parent provides a couple of feeds each day. Your family may come up with your own approach!
• What is most important to each of you about co-lactating?
• How does it feel to know one parent will likely make substantially more milk than the other? In most families, the birthing parent produces substantially more milk than the non-birthing parent. Parents inducing lactation simply do not generally have the milk-making capability of someone who has just been been pregnant and birthed.
• How would you feel if baby prefers breastfeeding from one parent over the other? Sometimes a baby prefers breastfeeding from the parent producing more milk, but babies have developed a preference for either parent for a variety of reasons.² 

If you have any questions or need guidance on inducing lactation or co-lactation, feel free to schedule a free mini consultation with me HERE. Or, if you are ready to jump right in check out my consultation packages HERE. I work with parents in person or via telehealth from wherever you are. I'm here to support you and provide personalized suggestions based on your unique situation.

References:

¹Bartick, M., Stehel, E. K., Calhoun, S. L., Feldman-Winter, L., Zimmerman, D., Noble, L., ... & Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine. (2021). Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine Position Statement and Guideline: Infant Feeding and Lactation-Related Language and Gender. Breastfeeding Medicine. doi:10.1089/bfm.2021.29188.abm

²Schnell, A. (2022). Successful co-lactation by a queer couple: A case study. Journal of Human Lactation, 38(4), 644-650.